Kafka Needed To Laugh More

I am not a big one for bureaucracy. At work I try to impose the minimal amount of process needed to keep things moving smoothly, and when faced with byzantine systems in real life I get a little loopy. Our strategy for dealing with this is generally to treat it all as a large absurd comedy. Getting our visas has had some great gags. First off, when I was speaking with my immigration lawyer about the process, she mentioned that one step would be carried out by "mister visas". She continued talking, but my mind immediately started spinning. Did she just say Mr. Visas? She does have that accent, maybe she didn't. Oh, she said it again! Maybe...it's...a dude? Named Mr. Visas? Who does visas? No, it must be some kind of fast-food visa procuring chain? But....that also makes no sense! I am happy to report that it is, indeed, the latter. I got an email from her with contact info for the agent at Mr. Visas who will be handling our request. Weird. I guess any sufficiently complex task presents a niche to be filled. That email also included instructions for getting our visa photos. This included a full two pages that not only laid out the twenty guidelines that the picture must conform to, but also had examples of compliant and -- much more entertainingly -- non-compliant pictures. We spent the train ride home yesterday giggling over them.

I am sure that there will come a time in my move when different word meanings will stop making me giggle like a little kid, but today is not that day. Get that dummy out of there!

There will be no sassiness in your photo, you little minx.

Open mouths: Not just unflattering, also non-compliant.

Calm down, Mona Lisa. They were very adamant that there be no smiling. There were many different examples of non-compliant smiles. I have no idea how I will keep a straight face for this, not to mention a "neutral expression".

I like to imagine that this woman, thwarted in using her headshot, went home and picked the most non-compliant background she could find just to needle the visa processor. I may be investing a stock-image photo with too much malicious intent. Mary's first comment on seeing her was "How did they not call her out for that smile?"