How Did They Move The Satellite So Quickly?

Over this past weekend, we watched Captain America (colon the first avenger.) I like the movie quite a bit but it does have this one, tiny little detail which grates on my nerves every time I watch it. It goes like this: When Captain America first gets his shield the scientist specifically mentions that the reason it's so amazing is that it's made of a material (from a meteorite!) that absorbs all vibrations. Ok, sure, whatever. You need to explain it's awesomeness, I can roll with this. Then, seconds later he deflects a few bullets with it and the shield rings from the vibrations. This, more than any serum-injected supersolders in S&M gear shooting blue laser beams during World War II, is a detail that drives me absolutely bonkers because THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS.

Then, over the holiday, we watched The Avengers. While in this one they don't mention the magical vibration absorbing powers of the shield, they do have another scene with it ringing. Since we had seen Captain American (colon the first avenger) so recently, it bothered me again. Like, really bothered me. Like, talk about it on the internet bothered me.

There is actually a phrase for this behavior in the marriage code, and that is "How did they move the satellite so quickly?" This derives from my brother's response when we asked him about one of the more recent bond films (either Goldeneye or Die Another Day.) Despite all of the inherent absurdity of these films (Space lasers! Invisible cars! Tank chases through Moscow!) the speed with which the satellite moved was what he could not get past. We laughed about it at the time, but in his defense, we have both found ourselves falling into similar traps since.

I think that as analytically-inclined people with a basic understanding of science, it bothers us to have folks drop details and then not live by them. The blue lasers those supersolders are shooting? Totally alien technology. Ok! I am fine with that. I don't know about aliens, but I can buy that they shoot blue lasers. Why not? But I do know how sound works. And my brother, apparently, knows how satellites work.

So the next time you get hung up on some silly little detail of a film like this, ask yourself, "How did they move the satellite so quickly?" You know Mary and I will be.

T Minus Four Weeks

Today marks exactly four weeks prior to my start date in London.

Despite two weeks away (a week at the corporate mothership learning my new job and then a week at the in-laws for Christmas) we have made great progress on the London prep. I have booked tickets for us and the cats (flying out Jan 23), we have temporary housing, we have a storage locker for the stuff that is staying and are getting moving estimates for the stuff that's coming, and we've picked out what is what for each of those categories. We have started packing the non-essential stuff that we are leaving behind, and Mary is shifting into "clean the freezer out" mode. It's starting to get real!

The two trips were very successful in their own rights as well. The work trip was mainly to introduce me to my new job and team, and went well. There are a lot of interesting projects going on, and I really enjoyed talking with all the folks I met. I also got re-introduced to the joys of recreational math via Project Euler and will likely be using that to refresh my Perl skills. I haven't used it in a while, and even when I did I allowed myself to succumb to the laziness that Perl inspires rather than keeping myself disciplined into writing decent code. The new group uses a lot of well-structured Perl, so hopefully that will shame me into behaving.

Christmas was fun, and it was nice to see my in-laws. It's always a pretty chill affair, and we were able to relax and chat and unwind from all of the London madness. Per our request for folks to avoid durable goods we got mostly gift cards, though we did get a bunch of travel books for England and Europe which we plan to use quite extensively.

Go Mode

Every sufficiently close relationship tends to develop it's own language. Sometimes, I feel like Mary and I speak entirely in code. An example of this is "Go Mode". Go Mode is when one of us gets so focused on doing something that everything else -- no matter how important -- falls by the wayside. An example of usage is "Bill, I know you are in Go Mode, but you still need to eat." One generally uses it to describe the other spouse, and tries to pronounce the capitols.

After quite a while of nothing much at all going on with the move, every imaginable thing was suddenly getting underway at once. In part, we have a handful of related things we wanted to get squared away before leaving (doctors visits, a week-long trip to CT for me for work, Christmas travel) and December seemed like the perfect month to schedule absolutely every one of them. Suddenly, we were both in Go Mode all the time.

Now, we finally feel like we are getting stuff done. As of Thursday our visas have been issued, and those should be getting FedExed to Mary's office as I type. We have appointments with several moving companies, and have selected a storage place for the things we are not bringing. We've picked a travel date, and I have reached out to the travel agent to start getting the ticketing process (more of a process due to the cats) underway. We even have temporary housing almost squared away! I place to live! How novel!

The way to really tell that I am finally out of Go Mode though? I actually slept through an entire night last night, without once waking up to mentally iterate through our many to-do lists. Take that, Go Mode.

My Voice Is My Passport. Verify Me.

As part of the visa process, we have to go in and "have our biometrics taken." Biometrics! It's sounds so scientific and futuristic! We knew that this would involve fingerprinting, but what else? It had to be more, because if it was just fingerprinting then it would be called "having our fingerprints taken." But this? This is Biometrics!

I, being fascinated by the world, am dying to find out what this means. Will there be retinal scans? Voice printing? Will state-sponsored phrenologists be called in to map the complex geometry of our skulls to prevent Tom Cruise in a rubber mask from infiltrating the UK? We'll know later.

Update: We have now returned from the biometrics and....it was just fingerprints. High-tech scanning of the fingerprints into a computer, but still. They also took another photo. This time, smiling was ok as long as no teeth showed. I went with the blank stare again, just in case.

She's Having His Baby

Fetch the royal dummy!

Hereditary rulers in modern times fascinate me. I can see how lineage could make a difference in olden times. When you couldn't ride across the kingdom in a single day, having a broad network of people who through trust, fear, or purchase could be relied on to enforce your rules would be key. Maintaining the various mergings and divisions of those networks via marriage and birth is the easiest way to make sure that folks stay in line even after you die.

In modern times however...just...how? How are there still kings? I do realize that unlike some (I'm looking at you, Kim Jung Un) the royals in the UK are actually figureheads, more preservers of culture than setters of policy. Still, It's fascinating.

So now a royal baby is on the way. I had actually been hoping for this, because I am curious to what extent the average Londoner cares about the royals. The run-up to this little bundle of joy's birth will be the perfect lens through which to view those feelings. Do they actually care? Or are the royals just their version of the Kardashians with worse teeth and more corgis? Can I pick up a commemorative plate? Will we get the birthday off from work?

Kafka Needed To Laugh More

I am not a big one for bureaucracy. At work I try to impose the minimal amount of process needed to keep things moving smoothly, and when faced with byzantine systems in real life I get a little loopy. Our strategy for dealing with this is generally to treat it all as a large absurd comedy. Getting our visas has had some great gags. First off, when I was speaking with my immigration lawyer about the process, she mentioned that one step would be carried out by "mister visas". She continued talking, but my mind immediately started spinning. Did she just say Mr. Visas? She does have that accent, maybe she didn't. Oh, she said it again! Maybe...it's...a dude? Named Mr. Visas? Who does visas? No, it must be some kind of fast-food visa procuring chain? But....that also makes no sense! I am happy to report that it is, indeed, the latter. I got an email from her with contact info for the agent at Mr. Visas who will be handling our request. Weird. I guess any sufficiently complex task presents a niche to be filled. That email also included instructions for getting our visa photos. This included a full two pages that not only laid out the twenty guidelines that the picture must conform to, but also had examples of compliant and -- much more entertainingly -- non-compliant pictures. We spent the train ride home yesterday giggling over them.

I am sure that there will come a time in my move when different word meanings will stop making me giggle like a little kid, but today is not that day. Get that dummy out of there!

There will be no sassiness in your photo, you little minx.

Open mouths: Not just unflattering, also non-compliant.

Calm down, Mona Lisa. They were very adamant that there be no smiling. There were many different examples of non-compliant smiles. I have no idea how I will keep a straight face for this, not to mention a "neutral expression".

I like to imagine that this woman, thwarted in using her headshot, went home and picked the most non-compliant background she could find just to needle the visa processor. I may be investing a stock-image photo with too much malicious intent. Mary's first comment on seeing her was "How did they not call her out for that smile?"

A New Chapter

When I created this, I named it after my general attitude towards blogging. I feel that to have a blog worth reading you need to write about unique experiences, to write with a unique voice, or -- in a perfect world -- both. I felt I had a little of both, then proceeded to write over a hundred posts about vegetables. Now that I find myself going on a fairly unique adventure with a move to London for several years, I hope to be a bit better about posting my experiences and thoughts about the whole thing here. We'll see how that goes.